It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
