That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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