my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
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