Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
