Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
