My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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