yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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