dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
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