I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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