...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
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