I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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