just come out here and I will go home with you...
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
