He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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