I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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