apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize
