You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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