i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
