saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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