Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
