Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
