we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
