I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
farters have to be the big spoon...
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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