tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Randomize
