I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Randomize
