Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
