Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize
