Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
MIDGETS
????
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
