I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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