sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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