a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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