I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
