Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
