Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
