HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
