I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
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