If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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