dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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