so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
