the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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