don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
