I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
