i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
