3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
