Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize
