I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Randomize
