A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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