Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
