Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
