I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
