I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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