I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
